Saturday March 25, 2006 2:04 AM
 

Laurie got married,
Oh what a glorious day.
Laurie got married,
The Laurie Krsmanovic way.



Thursday March 23, 2006 10:39 PM

On my way to school I noticed this big McDonald's billboard that has a picture of Detroit Piston basketball star Chauncey Billups and it says "How I get fired up"  and it shows a picture of a spicy chicken sandwich which says "SPICY CHICKEN" under it.  I don't want to sound like that Jim Rome guy because he is probably stupid but since I rarely get stuck watching a minute of his show, I will.  Chauncey Billups is not good at basketball because he eats Spicy Chicken sandwiches from McDonald's.  What's next?  Michael Jordan says, "The reason I'm so good is because I eat Breyer's ice cream."  What a commercial that would make.  "I too ate Breyer's ice cream," says Scottie Pippen in a Sports Illustrated for Kids.  "After eating 3 bowls of Moosetracks a day I found out that it made my averages go up in 6 different categories.  This includes 3-pointers, assists, glucose levels and basically any statistical category where I can just not move and pass the ball to Michael.  And another thing I'd like to point out...Although weight gain is not considered a statistical category, neither are championship rings...I'm lovin' it."



Tuesday March 21, 2006 1:23 PM

I was reading someone's post on crazyboards yesterday about being schizotypal and suffering from the symptom of thinking people can see you when you are alone.  I replied to it and thought to myself, "Wow, I remember having that symptom growing up."  Then today I thought about it again for a moment and asked myself, isn't there a movie where someone says a quote like "Have you ever got the feeling that you're being watched?"  So then I dropped my pants and did a little research.  Well, my pants stayed on to be honest.  Anyway, I searched around on the net for about 5 minutes and finally found out who said it.  None other than this looney smart alec.



"Have you ever had the feeling you were being watched?"
                              - Bugs Bunny "Hair-Raising Hare" (1946)

If it was acceptable for Bugs Bunny to have a mental illness then why not me?  It seems like you can't have one these days because society has changed and too many people without mental illness hate you because you are different. They either claim the mentally ill have a mental illness or are pretending have a mental illness, but either way, they hate you.  They want to kill the rabbit.  Bring back Bugs Bunny cartoons dammit.  If you don't, of course you realize, this means war.  And just wait till I get started on Kermit the Frog.



Monday March 20, 2006 4:54 PM

There are now 3 attractive women working at the McDonald's near me.  Cowabunga.
 

What if they are all lesbian roommates and Ronald McDonald is their pimp?  I noticed the one girl I saw today has a cast on her arm so assuming it's broken, maybe she has clown phobia and Ronald took that as disrespect so he broke her arm and told her to get back to work.  That obnoxious son of a pimp.  I mean, just look at this picture...



Woah Ronald...

Then there is this guy...Grimace.  He looks stoned in this picture.



Haha.



Sunday March 19, 2006 night-time

This post is to the person who search something like "I'm so mentally ill I want to die" and found my website.  You can email me if you want and we can talk online.  I am boring but maybe I can cheer you up.  Here is a funny picture you can chuckle at should you find your way back here.

Sunday March 19, 2006 6:17 PM

I found a website that lists a ton of phobias.  These are some of my favorites:

Aerophobia - Air swallowing
The fear of swallowing air?  "Oh man, I just swallowed some air.  I gotta go see my doctor."  Even better, "Welcome to Aerophobia anonymous.  In case you're wondering, yes, there is air in the room right now."<---2 people show up to the meeting with dust busters.

Caligynephobia - Beautiful women
Isn't this similar to just being really shy around chicks?  Or would a person get on a plane and fly to Australia if they saw Angelina Jolie?  I seriously suggest introducing them to hardcore porn and seeing what happens.

Neopharmaphobia - New drugs
"I keep telling you that these are good for you.  God dammit Tom Cruise, take your prescribed medication before I inject them in your ass!"

Panophobia - Everything
Welcome to life.  Good luck.

Coulrophobia - Clowns
C'mon, you all know this one is the best.  "You're not a clown...are you?"  "I keep telling you, no, I'm not a clown."

Euphobia - Good news
"Guess what?  I got some good news and some more good news."  "Why do you do this to me?"

Octophobia - The number 8
"Hey Tony, I've been wondering...what do you got against the number 8?"

Bathmophobia - Slopes
"The reason I've been so depressed and feeling so much anxiety lately is because I've been perceiving everything to be very slopey."



Sunday March 19, 2006 4:25 PM

Yesterday I realized an absurd little suicide-like movie title.



It just came to me.

Alright...Imagine if the brave little toaster was about to commit suicide by jumping into a bath tub.  It would be just like when Kate Winslet almost jumped into the sea in the movie Titanic.

Wait, also imagine that right after the brave little toaster jumped into the bath tub all of his appliance friends jumped in because they wanted to be cool (if you're friend jumped off a bridge, would you?) then they all started getting shocked repeatedly and they started yelling and stuff.  Haha.



Saturday March 18, 2006 2:55 PM

Zachary Odette
English 101

Did you know dogs can have anxiety too?  Separation anxiety.  As of recently, some dogs have even been prescribed antidepressants like Anafranil or Elavil to treat their separation anxiety, which is fear of leaving their owner.  I find it kind of funny and kind of sad personally.  My dogs have actually have been making me nervous lately because I haven't been taking them out as much and as a result they both keep staring at me.  Back to separation anxiety though.  Do cats cause it possibly?  I doubt it, but that'd be funny.  Also, actor Tom Cruise, would you like to get in on this topic of dog separation anxiety?  I remember one time at a party where kids, me included, went swimming and whenever someone would jump off the diving board into the pool, the dog that lived there would jump into the pool too and try to save that person.  It was cute.  Anyway, here is a website that talks about dog separation anxiety.

"Over a dog! Over an ugly dog!" - Melvin Udall (As Good As It Gets)

I don't know why I did this post like a stupid English paper.  Maybe it helps me think or potentially do an English paper on dog separation anxiety in the future.

(Back to March posts)
(Back to previous posts main page)



Thursday March 16, 2006 5:40 PM

I was waking up this morning and I was having this glorious auditory illusion of Angelina Jolie telling me how she was going to suck my cock and stuff like that.  I really liked it and I consider myself an Angelina Jolie fan for now.

And now something stupid and hopefully funny.
Character 1: Jimmy the Cumrag
Character 2: Jimmy the Scumbag

Jimmy the Cumrag:  Hey, nice to meet ya.
Jimmy the Scumbag:  Ewwwwww......
Jimmy the Cumrag:  Shake my hand dammit.
Jimmy the Scumbag:  No.  You're probably all cummy.
Jimmy the Cumrag:  I outta whack you.  Whack you with my cock that is.  Whack you with my cock you scumbag son of a bitch!
Jimmy the Scumbag:  Go jerk off.  I hear the new Godfather video game callin' me from the game room.

This post sucks.  Does anyone have auditory hallucinations of Angelina Jolie providing phone sex material?  That would be death by Libido.  Send some hate mail to the Tomb Raider.  "I can't stop jerking off because of you.  If you start doing real porn my cock is going to erupt and I'm going to die."

I love you Angelina.  Please show up on my doorstep nude in the summer sarcastically telling me it's chilly outside and you need to come in.  Or come over on my 21st birthday and pop out of a cake holding a bottle of wine and tell me that you want to suck my cock.  This post is inappropriate.


Here is a pick of Angelina I found online where she looks sad but hot in my opinion.  Cheer up Angelina.  You got a friend in me.



Wednesday March 15, 2006 12:04 PM

Today I went to the doctor recently, just to ya know get my blood sugar, cholesterol level, and all that diabetes stuff checked out.  They weighed me in and guess how much I saw... 1-freakin'-80.  That seems like a lot to me because on my scale I weigh 163 and that's when I'm in a mere t-shirt and boxers.  I know my boots and coat and everything accounted for a lot of weight but that still a lot compared to my usual 145.  I want to pretend I gave a 17 pound reverse blood-draw somehow, whatever that means  Also, I've been feeling like I'm a bad person recently so I figured if there is a god, he has made me beware the Ides of March by making me gain some weight.

And as for later today, I will be visiting my psychologist.  Some humor for ya...



Tuesday March 14, 2006 9:44 PM

There is a drug called Corlux that is in Phase III trials that is going to treat "psychotic depression" whatever that is.  That would be weird and cool if this drug wiped out the whole idea of therapy though.

Meanwhile, all of the therapists slowly lose their jobs and decline in society...

Homeless therapist: "Hey man, you lookin' for a therapist?  You look depressed."
Random girl: "No."
Homeless therapist: "Just come overhere.  Ever since Corlux came out my wife left me and I haven't been able to have sex with anything except my hand.  My god damn hand."
Random girl: "You doctors are all crazy.  Leave me alone 'cause you're grossin' me out.
Homeless therapist: "My hand dammit!  My god damn hand!  Maybe I, "The homeless therapist", should try Corlux.

Are you feeling depressed and has someone told you that you seem psychotic?  Try Corlux.



Monday March 13, 2006 3:35 PM

Are there any other people who have been diagnosed with psychosis or an extreme mental illness who are allergic to cats and/or hate the effects of marijuana?  I don't know if I brought this topic up before but I hate both of these things.  I remember when I was just a boy cats made me sneeze more than when I stared at the sun.  And as far as smoking pot goes, that just caused me (and probably still does today) extreme hard-to-describe paranoia.  What made me think of these things (particularly the cat thing) is how my dog Tatum was just walking around the room I am currently in, and how she was walking under things, sitting down, getting up, wagging her tail, breathing with her tongue out, then breathing through her nose, and how she just kept repeating this.  It seemed kind of goofy or maybe schizophrenic.  Damn cats caused it I bet.  I remember when my psychosis really began to kick in, it was in high school when my sister brought home a cat and I started smoking a lot of pot, not necessarily in that order though.  I'm not claiming anything, but it's something to keep in mind.  I want to run tests on cats' brains and dogs' brains and their gray matter or neuroimaging or whatever it is 'cause it seems to me cats know exactly what they're doing at all times and they're up to no good.  Okay, here is how you find out if cats or marijuana cause mental illness.  You take someone everyone in society can agree is perfectly sane and free of mental illness and have them live with a cat and occasionally smoke pot.  See what that person is like when he or she comes back.  I don't really know what they'd be like but they would not be the same person and I think the cat and the ganja would really affect their thinking permanently.

- "Meow bitch."

"Wipe out the cats." - Zachary Odette March, 13 2006



Thursday March 9, 2006 4:32 PM

I skipped my Social Psychology class this morning.

Exhibit A

A picture of me in mid-2005 when I was on antidepressants and a low dose of antipsychotics.  However, on these drugs I found it difficult to leave the house.

Exhibit B

A picture of me taken earlier today.  I am currently on a high dose of antipsychotics and a lot of mood stabilizers.  I find it very easy to leave the house.

Which person should I be?

I'm gettin' chubby...



Wednesday March 8, 2006 4:36 PM

Fake story...

I'm walkin' around campus today and this clown with a brochure walks up to me and says, "What will you be doing for the two years after you complete school here at Mott Community College?"  And I say, "I'm sure as hell not goin' to Clown College you stupid clown!"  Then everyone laughed at the clown, even a teacher.

(OKAY, FIRST DAY AT CLOWN COLLEGE FOR ALL THE CLOWNS)

"Hey man, my name's Bozo.  I'm your new roommate.  Are you interested in playing The Grand Prize Game? - a young Bozo

Okay, what's worse?  A clown or a person with clown phobia?

"You're not a clown...are you?" - a person with clown phobia

Sadly, we never know.  Just look at this guy.

I don't really have anything against people with clown phobia.  I just think we can all use a little humor in our lives.  And finally...

"Dude, my 6 cups I told you about smell like Black Velvet!  You asshole!  I'm gonna tell my Professor Andy!" - Bozo <--------I went there.



Tuesday March 7, 2006 9:35 AM

"Goodfellas" on clown phobia

"Badclowns"

"As far back as I can remember, I've always been afraid of clowns.  One time, at the circus, a clown handed me a red balloon that had popcorn in it somehow, and I gave it back to him and told him to go f*ck his mother.  Then there was Jimmy Two Times who got that name because he said everything twice.  He was afraid of clowns even worse than me.  He tried to take care of it one day though..."

Jimmy Two Times: I'm gonna go rape that clown, rape that clown.

Then there was Tommy.  He hated clowns worse than any of us.  One day one of the clowns had one too many drinks and told Tommy he was a funny guy.  Tommy said to him, "Maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you?"  That clown didn't know what the f*ck to say.  There was a long pause then Tommy shot him in the foot then beat the clown over the head with his fuckin' shine box.  I guess it all goes to show ya we all have a little clown phobia.

"Badclowns"

Tuesday March 7, 2006 7:47 AM

I heard that you were mentally ill,
Anxiety, depression, and a chill.
I came to help restore your pluck,
'cause I'm the nurse who likes to f*ck.

- The Singing Nurse (Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

altered of course

Monday March 6, 2006 9:05 PM

I have downloaded Adobe Photoshop and Microsoft Frontpage.  I may get viri and I may not but I will save money.  Back to Killer Klowns from Outerspace though.  Look at this picture.



Imagine you:
1.) have a social phobia
2.) are hallucinating
and 3.) have a clown phobia

Damn clowns.  Do they teach you about how many people in the real world have clown phobia when a young clown attends clown college?  I hope that's an original joke of mine.  I'd like to see a lion eat a clown once.  Then maybe the clown would start doing jokes to try to save his own life but it wouldn't work.  The lion eats the clown's balloon animal and his arm.  The clown screams, "AHHHHH,  I...don't....want....to....be....a.....fucking clown anymore!!!"

Okay, Check out this website if you have 20 seconds and an arm:
CLOWN PHOBIA: Treatment and Hope

THEY EVEN HAVE A 24 HOUR HOTLINE YOU CAN CALL JUST FOR YOUR CLOWN PHOBIA!  Imagine if a clown answered the phone though.  I would then say all clowns are witches and they should all be burned somewhere or left at an island where they can chuckle and shake each others hands and do whatever it is clowns do until they run out of food.

"I had a friend who was a clown.  When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car." - Stephen Wright


My view of clowns...

Thursday March 2, 2006 4:48 PM

"If chameleons change color when their moos change does that mean that they're like bipolar?"



Wednesday March 1, 2006 4:15 PM

I rented a movie last night called Inventing the Abbotts then watched it later in the night.  I tell ya, that Jennifer Connelly does it for me.  In that movie she is like half slut/half little debbie.

Well maybe they're not that similar.  But I'd take Jennifer Connelly over Angelina Jolia, Julia Roberts, Cameron Diaz (Mary), or even this foreign hottie named Franka from the Bourne Identity.