One time when I was a boy, I went in my grandma's backyard and talked to the squirrels for 20 minutes.  I started giving them names.  I named one Zack.  I'm being serious.  When I think about it now, I think 2 things.  1.) Naming a squirrel after yourself is similar to Cosmo Kramer naming his rooster Little Jerry Seinfeld.  and 2.) Hopefully by naming these squirrels, it lead to water skiing squirrels.  You have seen the water skiing squirrels haven't you?  Well, in case you haven't...meet Twiggy!



So next time you see a water skiing squirrel, thank me.  And as for the squirrel I named Zachary Adam Odette, I wonder what he is doing today.

Imagine 2 clowns fighting over cotton candy.

Has anyone else noticed SPORTSCENTER anchors don't age?  Stuart Scott has been saying "Booyah!" for 20 years, I swear.  I know this because I am 21 years old and I started watching SPORTSCENTER at age 1.

And finally...imagine...BATMAN SURFING!

My goal in life is to see Batman surfing.  If I were at the beach and someone said "Hey, look, it's Batman surfing.  How 'bout that?..." and then Batman replied, "Move it or lose it sister!" my life would be complete.  C'mon!  You all know that would be the funniest thing of all time!

Remember the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song?  "Raphael is cool but rude, gimme a break."  I'll give ya a break Raphael.  Geez.  "A rude turtle."  That sounds funny.  "I have a pet turtle.  He's really rude."  Or better yet, "I refuse to hang out with your pet turtle.  You know why.  He's rude."  This update is possibly the strangest update I've ever made.  I mean, 2 clowns fighting over cotton candy...what the hell does that mean?  Or wait, better yet...imagine 2 clowns fighting over a girl?  Possibly a female clown.  I could see that I guess.  They keep spraying water in each other's eyes from their little flowers.  Alright, this is getting out of control.  Simmer down Zack.  Think happy thoughts....hahaha....hahaha....How can I calm down when a person in a bat suit is surfing somewhere?  Speaking of Batman, I heard Lois Lane is having an affair with him.  Clark Kent knows about it, but he doesn't care because he likes guys.  And speaking of Batman again, I heard he is really rude..."Batman, don't eat the whole Thanksgiving turkey until at least 1 guest is here."  Then Batman grumbles, "grrrrrrrr."  Or better yet, I'll tell you what is really rude.  Imagine Batman playing tag with a bunch of little kids and Batman tags one of the kids then flies away laughing.  "Batman is cheating again."  "Batman get down from up there."  Then Batman grumbles again, "grrrrrrrr."  Stick to surfing Batman...stick to surfing...

You lookin' for trouble?  Well, you found it here at ZacharyOdette.com.  I see my psychiatrist two days from now.  Last time I talked to her she suggested having me take Clozaril or Haldol.  What?  Clozaril or Haldol?  Aren't these meds from 1842?  I'll still stick with my Seroquel and Abilify thank you very much.  I tell ya, I could be a better psychiatrist than every psychiatrist in the galaxy.  I've been there and done that with the meds.  Not that I don't like my psychiatrist, she is my favorite of three I've had actually, I'm just cocky.  Oh yea, did you hear about the chicken who flattered himself?  He was real cocky.  LOL!  Alright, here's my next joke...Did you hear about the chicken who flattered the other chickens?  He was a bad ass mother clucker.  LOL again!  Maybe I should be a stand-up comedian.  I would probably be the best one in the galaxy if you think about it.  Okay, last joke...Who is a chicken's favorite baseball player?  Kenny Rogers of the currently first place team the Detroit Tigers.  Who would have thought that after the season the Detroit Pistons and Detroit Redwings had that it might be the Detroit Tigers who win the big shebang.  Anyway, let me tell you about the time I met Detroit Tigers centerfielder Curtis Granderson.

Me: "Oh my god!  Are you Curtis Granderson!?"
Granderson: "Please, call me Granderson."
Me: "Can do Granderson."
Granderson: "I'm ALL IN."
Me: "What do you mean you're ALL IN?"
Granderson: "And Granderson is going ALL IN."
Me: "Anyway, can I get an autograph?"
Granderson: "Yes you may have an autograph.  Take off all of your clothes and then I will give you several autographs all over your body."
Me: "Nevermind Granderson.  You're sick.  I'm outta here."
Granderson: "And Granderson has just won the World Series of Poker.  Yes, I like the sound of that.  Who's the man now?  Huh?  Granderson, Granderson, Granderson, Granderson, Granderson, Granderson, Granderson, etc."

Yep, Ole Granderson was caught up in an "all in moment."

True story...

I go to Meijer one day to buy beer and I buy what I think is a 12 pack of Busch beer.  The price tag on the box says something like $4.97.  I think to myself "Wow...this is too good of a price to pass up" so I buy it.  Then I come home and realize the box does not say "Busch" but it says "Busch NA" and the NA stands for "no alcohol."  This angers me.  I think to myself that I should return the beer and exchange it for beer that has alcohol.  So I drive all the way back to Meijer and get in the return line.  I step up to an employee and say, "Can I return this?  I thought there was alcohol in it, but there's not."  The employee says, "Sorry, you can't return alcoholic beverages."  I then say, "I know, but there's actually no alcohol in it."  So then the employee allows me to return the beer, and I go buy the beer I really wanted, and all is well.

The types of hallucinations that are not mentioned as much...

Olfactory Hallucinations - When you smell an odor that no one else smells, you are having an olfactory hallucination.  Schizophrenia sometimes brings with it the tendency to smell gaseous odors or the stench of burning rubber.  Upon investigation, no gas or fire is apparent, but you may be smelling those smells anyway.  Your brain is playing tricks on you.

Gustatory Hallucinations - Do you taste things in your mouth when your mouth is empty?  Do you complain that there is rotten food in your mouth?  Does food taste peculiar to you?  Some people experience gustatory hallucinations, which are taste sensations created by their brain and not actual food.  One patient, Steve, told me that during one of his schizophrenic episodes he thought that pigeons were in his throat and their feathers were coming up and tickling the inside of his mouth.  He insisted that he was tasting pigeon all day long.

Tactile Hallucinations - Do you ever feel as if there are insects crawling on you?  Or maybe you feel very hot or very cold, or you feel peculiar pressure on your leg or your arm or your back or your belly?  These are tactile hallucinations.  Your skin actually feels sensations that are not there.

from Getting Your Life Back Together When You Have Schizophrenia by Roberta Temes, PH. D.

Greetings and hallucinations.  I remember when I was a boy I would bite my nails then swallow them.  That includes my toe nails.  That seems really gross to me now.  I don't bite my nails that often anymore, especially not the toe nails.

Arg.  I need more stuff to write about.  Arrrrgggg.  What kind of socks do pirates wear?  Arrrrggggyle's.  That's what pirates wear alright.  No pants, just Arrrrggggyle's.....

Want to see what my filthy bedroom looks like?  Yes you do.

By the way, I tried Cymbalta recently, the antidepressant.  I hate that drug.  It makes me regret everything worth regretting in my life.  Then I saw a commercial for that drug and it said something like "If Cymbalta makes your depression worse, please tell your physician."  Ahhhhhh.....what a stupid advertisement, but at least they're honest I guess.  Stay away from Cymbalta unless your doc prescribes it.  You heard it here first.

Funny depression quote:

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall.  I played a wall once.  They're relentless." - Mitch Hedberg (R.I.P.)



Saturday August 19, 2006 1:30 AM

Sorry I haven't updated in a while and that the website has been down for a little while.  I forgot to pay my internet landlord.  Everything should be up and running now though.  Getting to something interesting...My brother and I used to torture ants when we were little.  We would poor strange chemicals on ant farms then watch the ants die and suffer.  I can't see myself doing that today.  Blah.

"I used to have an ant farm and them fellas didn't grow shit." - Mitch Hedberg (R.I.P.)

I am watching USA basketball right now.  I am routing against the US.  I hope we lose every game because we have too much talent and everyone hogs the ball then our players start fighting each other while Yao Ming makes layups.  Now that'd be funny...

I'm going to be adding and changing music to this website soon.  Get ready.  I'm gonna bring the noise.

"All I want is for you to be happy..." - The song on this webpage that you are probably getting sick of.

Friday August 11, 2006 2:53 PM

I used to be afraid to get in the bath tub when I was a little boy because I thought people were watching me through periscopes from far away somehow, and I didn't want them to see me naked.  And when I used to look out the window of a car, I would get the feeling that there was a small man jumping over the telephone lines running along side the car.  He looked like Speed Racer but shorter.  And as of more recently, I have arguments with imaginary people online through EBay quarrels and things like that.  I haven't told any of my psychiatrists, therapists, or psychologists any of this.  It has completely slipped my mind.

Thursday August 10, 2006 9:09 PM

Did you know by the year 2013 everyone in the world will have had sex with Jenna Jameson?  I learned that today when I was having sex with Jenna Jameson.  :)

Thursday August 10, 2006 3:14 PM

I think if we develop an antipsychotic that has no tremor side effects then that antipsychotic will be more effective than the others because we will be able to crank up the dose without having to worry about tardive dyskenesia and other movement side effects.  That's just a theory that I haven't even thought much about.

Tuesday August 8, 2006 10:32 PM

So get this story folks...

I look over at my dog Tatum and she's sleepin' and twitchin' and I start wonderin' what she's dreamin' about and I say to myself she either dreamin' about either:

A) chasin' a cat

B) gettin' chased by the dog catcher

C) chasin' a cat while gettin' chased by a dog catcher

or D) eatin' Tom Cruise's face with a bunch of other dogs

Thank you, thank you.

Monday August 7, 2006 1:01 PM

I hope a schizophrenic person discovers a cure for schizophrenia one day by trying to kill them self.  Like they could get fed up with life and then try kill them self by taking...

a bottle of cough syrup with 10 aspirins, some Rogaine, a dash of love, 2 antipsychotics, lots of exercise, Bailey's Irish Cream, crack cocaine, Viagra, 100 Mega Multivitamins, some Electroconvulsive therapy, a trip to the snake pit, a cat tranquilizer, steroids, appetite suppressants, 1 sleeping pill, a gallon of water,  enough ephedra to kill an army of hummingbirds, 3 longitude pills, lithium, Prozac, a shot of Listerine mouth wash, 1 ounce of urine, Omega-3 fish oils, allergy medicine, a slice of pumpkin pie and then boom!...cured.

Don't try this at home kids.

Friday August 4, 2006 5:26 PM

Abracadabra homes.  I saw the Ricky Bobby movie today with Will Ferrell in it.  I chuckled at a few catch phrases, but more importantly, there was a preview before the movie about another movie starring Will Ferrell where he lives a life hearing a voice narrate everything he does.  Seems interesting.

Quickly moving on, here are some more poems from the short-lived poetry contest.  I didn't write a poem myself but if I did then it would just say "Some day the mentally ill will be cured, and the norms today will be the mentally ill."
 

The Long Night Ahead by Michael Janda

And the yawning chasm of another night bereft of companionship – a once cherished solitude now a burden of solaceless quiet, meandering self-pity, and if I am unfortunate, nightmarish phantasmagoria – that looms before me, at once both a pouted lipped siren promising succor and a snarling demon threatening to devour my soul, the night that will hold me captive till the morning sun crests the horizon and dispels the delirium of dawn. What debit etched in the accounting of my past called this void upon me to collect another’s due?

And whose? That bitch that I so oft chide with repudiation that she seeks to debase me for an audience of my own thoughts? No, she was merely a construct of my unconscious. I have no desire to waste the same precious hours of my nearly faded youth plotting redemption to an abstraction of Lea that she spends in another man’s bed, her asleep and I dreading to pump the bilges of my capsized life for fear I will survive and have it to live. For what remains but drudgery without reprieve? Distraction in work from the woes that have wracked my psyche, empty hours such as this in which to lament my loss, and the oblivion of sleep? Somewhere along the ill-navigated serpentine pass of my past lies a mistake that defies my ken.

Wracked, hell-bound, and momentarily lost in a reprieve of reverie, my soul yearns for succor in the shadows cast by the shylock begotten candle of hope on the obstacles of the future, for there in redolent pastures of plenty that bound a cottage of unrepentant contentment I shall dwell and not be driven to regret by outlines of memories blurred from mean overuse. The loss that sustains this unpalatably bitter melancholy shall be excised in its recitation and whatever tears then I shed shall not be shed unwitnessed. And the aberrant song of the siren that sings through the trees shall rise to a keening lamentation, for I will be hers no more.

This I dream, knowing well the shylock whose hope I burn will lend me no mercy, leaving only my will to sustain me when he comes to collect my debt. No entreaty shall stay his hand. Long have I dreaded this culmination of circumstance when to my drug-addled mind come the multitudinous oracles of insanity, reveling in earthly portents, distracting me with promises of illusory wish-fulfillment: “You will believe it so.” Should I fall into decaying orbit round this star of false hope and be warmed by a balmy fantasy, hoping to free myself before being drawn to near? “Yes,” a voice whispers. It has begun.
 

I Cry for the Children by William J. MacNeil

Is there still such a place

Where the children don't cry

From the pangs of  hunger

Because the rivers are dry

 

The crying of the children

It rings loud in my ears

Help them Please world

And eradicate their fears

 

These hungry small children

Lay shivering in the night

We let this happen

Though we know it's not right

 

Please mankind let this not be

Send Love to these children

To set them all free

 

They are born with an innocence

Then life takes it away

Slowly they get weaker

Day by Day

These sick looking  Children 

Live like dogs in the street

They have no shoes

On their sore weary feet

 

How can we sleep soundly

In our soft comfortable bed

While these poor little children

Live with such hatred and dread

 

This world we now live in

Needs to start a new pace

To put food in their stomachs

And Love , in pains place

If  we do this for all  children

Then all mankind shall  see

That living on this planet

Can be Beautiful and Free...

Thursday August 3, 2006 6:49 PM

Imagine that aliens exist and all of them are really into music.  Imagine seeing a spaceship land on earth then seeing a bunch of aliens walk out the door in a conga line.  Imagine seeing all of the humans really liking the aliens at first until they finally realize that the aliens never sleep and all they want to do is dance and listen to music all day, every day.

Thursday August 3, 2006 1:59 PM

Here are a few poems that people submitted for the short lived poetry contest.  There are more poems to come after this I think.

"I, Poem" by Stand

I am a poem writing itself,
ink spilling out of imagination.
Unfinished, some days I go hanging
upon half a phrase, sometimes
to go without meaning for a while.
I dream to be of epic things, teeming
with angels and devils and heroes,
but I do not know more than the words
that are written here. I think it must
be nice in the stories outside my
little window into being, but
I am satisfied merely to have begun,
and to know I have an ending
that gives me a reason to be.


"Radius Circumference Sector Zone Twelve in Harmonic Frequencies" by Jake Neumann
 

Phoenix Rising by Jennifer/jamesgirl

like a phoenix..
i will rise
from the ashes
of my life...

i will not be denied
the chance to fly...
all i have to do
is make that leap of faith...

phoenix rising
distant horizons...
calling to me...
full of new dreams...

people tried to take away my hope
said if given enough rope
i'd hang myself...
but they were so wrong...
why did i let them manipulate me for so long?

phoenix flying...
been through the fire...
been through the rain...
been through hell...
and back again...
shaking off the ashes and dust...
starting to love myself...
learning to trust...
my own instincts and wings...
i won't be held down anymore
not that i know my heart can soar...
phoenix rising...
dreaming new dreams...
flying to places...
where the grass is green...

my wings long denied...
the chance to unfurl...
i can almost heart the strong beat
of my wings...in time with my heart...
i'm stronger than i seem..
and like a phoenix i will wise...
i will not be denied...
i know i can fly...
i'll follow the rainbow...
find that pot of gold...
i'll find out these wings
are strong enough to hold...
my weight...

and like the phoenix i rise...
from the ashes of my life...
i've been through the fire
and came out alive...
i may have been burned...
but by god...i learned...
how strong i can be...
and how to be free...
no longer denied...
i fly...i fly

Wednesday August 2, 2006 8:11 PM

Why is it that a lot of people have a fear of looking down a long distance, commonly know as a fear of heights.  No one has the fear of looking up at a real tall building.  If someone has that fear then their life must sick.  Anyway, there is something else I am supposed to say right now but I can't remember.  CRIPPLE FIGHT!!!!!!!!  Oh wait, I remember now.

What is a bum's favorite movie?................................Goodwill Hunting. 

Get it?  They hunt for clothes at Goodwill.

Thank you, you've been great.



Tuesday August 1, 2006 1:39 AM

Let's create an antidepressant that doesn't affect your libido.  Let's create an antianxiety med that doesn't affect your libido.  Alright, let's do it team.